A Fairy Tail and Out of the Bag Read online

  *

  Boots suggested strolling through the front door of the castle and challenging von Krouper to a duel, which Craig could then complete. Craig, however, thought this was a stupid idea. Not only was von Krouper an accomplished sorcerer, but now that he was rich he had two hundred armed guards renowned for skewering any living creature which ventured onto his estate. In the two hours Craig had been watching from the bushes he had witnessed the guards slaughter a rabbit, a dog, and a creature resembling a warthog who really turned out to be the castle priest returning from baptizing a family of pagans.

  They descended on the castle at nightfall. There was no moon, so Craig couldn’t even see his hand in front of his face. Boots could see better in the dark than Craig, so Craig held onto his arm and tried not to trip. He had just stepped out of a huge, squishy pile of manure when Boots’s arm shifted beneath his hand, growing impossibly thin and feathery. Craig shrieked and stumbled backward into the manure again.

  A shout went up on the wall and the guards dashed away from their posts to check out the noise.

  Boots panicked at the sight of the bobbing yellow torches coming toward them, gave a squawk, and flew straight into Craig’s hair, where his talons became entangled.

  Craig ran toward the moat, Boots flapping wildly at his head, and slimy globs of poop flying off his feet. Despite the fact that Boots’s claws were digging into his scalp, he had enough presence of mind to run clear of the guards. He headed toward the watchfires.

  He discovered that he had come too close to the castle when he ran directly into the moat, which was very deep and very cold. Boots tore free of his head, taking a handful of hair with him.

  “Help!” Craig squeaked, then went under, weighed down by his cursed armor.

  Boots shapechanged into a gargoyle and plucked Craig out of the moat with his clawed feet.

  They flew up the sheer castle wall to an open window, from which streamed golden light and soft harp music.

  Boots dropped Craig, dripping and half-drowned, on the plush, carpeted floor, then shapechanged back to a man.

  Craig looked up to see Gregoria and von Krouper staring at them from where they reclined on an ornate couch. Gregoria was feeding von Krouper grapes as he lay in her lap.

  At the center of the room stood a large, four-poster bed already turned down for the night.

  “What are you two doing here?” Gregoria asked. She sounded more than a little annoyed.

  Craig jumped to his feet. “We’re here to rescue you from this devil, my lady!”

  “Does it look like I want to be rescued?”

  “It was his idea,” Boots volunteered, crooking a thumb at Craig.

  Craig stared at Gregoria for a speechless moment before spluttering, “But, my lady, surely you can’t be thinking of staying with this–this–slug.”

  Gregoria smoothed one of the few remaining tendrils of hair on von Krouper’s head. “I certainly am. He’s brave and strong and smart enough to complete my father’s maze, unlike some people. I couldn’t want for more.”

  Craig was aghast. “You would pick him over me–over both of us?”

  Gregoria sighed. “You, Sir Craig, are far too foul-tempered and insanely possessive to ever win my hand. And while Boots does have the cutest butt I’ve seen in a long time, I’m afraid that his lack of personal hygiene offends my delicate sensibilities.”

  Craig looked back and forth in dismay. “What can I say to make you change your mind?”

  “Nothing,” Gregoria said shortly. “Now get out, both of you. Through the door this time.”

  “I suggest you do as my beloved has requested before I turn you both into smoking piles of ash,” von Krouper added with a malicious grin.

  “But–“

  “Now!” Gregoria and von Krouper said in unison.

  Boots dragged him out the door and onto the landing of a wide, spiraling staircase.

  Despair washed through Craig, chased by a huge ball of hot, churning energy. Night after night visions of Gregoria had rampaged through his body, setting every limb on fire and torturing his mind. He had been saving all his passion for her–it throbbed in him in painful, relentless waves. He felt ready to burst.

  “What am I to do now?” he cried.

  “I’m hungry. I smelled some oats in the stables,” Boots announced and began trekking down the stairs.

  Craig watched him go. After a moment, it occurred to him that Boots did have a rather cute butt. Hmmm . . . perhaps his prospects really weren’t so grim after all.

  “Wait!” Craig cried and raced after him.

  Out of the Bag

  Jason cupped the back of her head with his warm, strong hand. Starting at that place where her skull and the top of her spine intersected, he slid his palm downward, sliding over her shoulders, following the line of her backbone in a smooth long caress that sent shivers of pleasure across every nerve ending. He lifted his hand again, cupping her cheek this time, making her arch up to meet that gentleness, to encourage his wandering touch and allow his skin to cover more of her. His hand skimmed the same slow path across her back again, the pleasure more intense this time, causing her to make a low deep purr at the back of her throat.

  He leaned his face closer, the clean, beautiful lines of it mesmerizing her. She inhaled the spicy, irresistible scent of his body; noted the smell of coffee ghosting from between his sweetly parted lips.

  “You are such a pretty girl,” he said, hushed and wondering. She liked the sound of his voice, so alien and soft.

  When his hand came to the base of her spine, at that place where she most liked to be touched, she couldn’t help herself: she arched again, surging toward his large, intoxicating presence.

  The flare of a police-issued flashlight swept across them, followed by a voice, sharp with emotion. “Jason, come on, we have to go.”

  Jason’s hand stilled. He turned to face the large dark-haired form of his partner that appeared next to him. “Marco, I’m kind of busy here.”

  Marco made a noise of annoyance. “We don’t have time for this. We’re on a possible breaking and entering call, remember? I just heard something in the back. Let’s go check it out.”

  Jason sighed, withdrew his hand. “Sorry, beautiful,” he said to her, voice lowered in regret. “Gotta go.”

  And then he turned around, following his partner’s form through the darkness.

  She watched him go, missing his touch already. A sudden, fierce longing told her she wouldn’t see him again. That thought made a sound erupt from her throat, the only sound she could make.

  “Meow.”

  Interested in the mysteries of humans' strange habits and bizarre desires? All is revealed in The Cat's Guide to Human Behavior, a clever, timely guide for the modern cat. Discover answers to eternal feline questions such as: Why does my human refuse to groom herself with her tongue? For decades felines have been meowing for such a guidebook - don't deny them any longer!

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  The Cat's Guide to Human Behavior

  Excerpt

  From Chapter One

  New Partners

  When humans mate, they tend to live together even when the female is not in heat. Because of this, you may be present for the introduction of a new potential mate for your human. This can be an unsettling time, since the new person can cause great changes in the den, sometimes for the worse. In general, the introduction of a female to the den is a good thing for both you and the male. The female, as we have noted, usually worships you as you deserve, offering you tidbits and speaking pleasingly to you.

  When your single female brings an unfamiliar male around, however, you may encounter difficulties. The male may disdain your company, fear your hold over the female, or step on you when s
taggering through the den after a night of feasting and/or coupling. In the event that the male does not show sufficient signs of respect on account of your superiority, you may need to take action. This can be accomplished in various ways. More effective methods include: leaping at him unexpectedly from atop the food box, doors, drapes, or shelves; climbing up his bare leg and scratching whatever dangly bits you encounter along the way; peeing on the windshield of his moveable den; and sinking your razor-sharp fangs into his nose and refusing to release them until his screams of pain become whimpers of terror and he runs off into the night, never to return.

  Note: these techniques may also be employed towards unfriendly visitors, mean neighbors, or humans who get on your bad side for specific reasons, or, let’s face it, no reasons whatsoever.

  Want more? Of course you do! Join the zillions of cats in the know by ...

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  About the Author

  Xina Marie Uhl, pictured here with her overlord Charley, lives in sunny Southern California with her family and a minor menagerie of dogs, cats, birds, and aquatic creatures. She has worked at many different jobs in her life, from accounting clerk to history instructor, but writing has been something she has always done. In addition to The Cat's Guide to Human Behavior, she also has several fantasy adventures available through XC Publishing.net.

  When not writing, she enjoys photography, travel, pizza, and fine Arizona Mexican food, not necessarily in that order.

  Sign up for her mailing list to learn about occasional special offers and new releases, or follow her blog at xuwriter.wordpress.com, Facebook, Twitter, or Goodreads.

  Other Books By This Author

  Please visit your favorite ebook retailer to discover other books by Xina Marie Uhl:

  Humor

  The Cat's Guide to Human Behavior

  Fantasy

  Necropolis

  The Gauntlet Trilogy with Cheryl Dyson

  Book One - The Gauntlet Thrown (FREE!)

  Book Two - The Challenge Accepted

  Book Three - (Coming late 2014)

  The Ruling Elite and Other Stories - (Coming soon for FREE)